Mum this is Dave…….part 1

Missy is my daughter from my previous marriage to The Northerner. Rocksey loves Missy as Missy reminds him of me when I was ( a lot) younger. Rocksey and I first met when I was 16 and he was 18 but lost touch and were worlds apart for many many years…..but thats for another day.

Missy is 23 and lives in Amsterdam. She works as an Air Hostess out of Schiphol Airport. She used to live with her DJ Boyfriend but he has fled the scene ( in more ways than one she says) and I understand he now lives in a hippy-drop out commune similar to Christiana in Copenhagen. I have a feeling that The Baron would like to be there with him – it will probably only be a matter of time.In the meantime, The Baron & Dreads are in Spain with us.

A couple of months ago whilst we were having our extended month long vacation in Southern Spain Missy calls out of the blue with some news. Missy always drops bombshells of ‘news’ when either she or me are out of the country -this way she feels I can get over whatever she has to say, drink some foreign sounding alcohol to calm me down and then when we meet again , the ‘news’ has sort of settled down and settled in to my psyche and is not so disconcerting/controversial any more.

Muummm, she says, have you had any wine today? Why do’t you pour yourself a glass, it must be lunchtime in Spain – she starts the conversation.
I sweep the half full bottle off the table and take it and my mobile away from our noisy terrace ( the band are all here for a few days -its a bit chaotic) and into our bedroom. Shutting the door into semi darkness, I pour a large glug into a tumbler and take a sip.

OK – I say – I’m ready, whats happened?

Well, Missy says and I can hear her taking a long drag on a cigarette – I’ve met someone-

Oh – I say. at this point I am not too worried. Missy is a pretty young woman , never short of admirers – meeting someone is par for the course.

There is a pause – its …well…she’s a woman, well, not exactly a woman but …..not a man either…..its complicated – the words rush out, I take a larger swig of wine, well a gulp actually and make a sort of encouraging noise.

Missy, it transpires, hooked up with a friend of the DJ who had some friends over to Amsterdam for the weekend. Flossie was in the group of friends and Missy – always attracted to pretty young men – immediately noticed this slighty feminine boy and started the conversation going. During the course of the evening, Flossie is not the slightly feminine boy she appears to be but actually a rather butch lesbian – or a boy trapped in a girls body as Missy patiently explains to her mother who, sitting on a bed in a darkened room clutching a bathroom tumbler of wine, tries very very hard to actually grasp the situation.

Anyway , Missy finishes off the conversation as if she was just making small talk about the weather -we are getting on a flight to Malaga in about 2 hours so you can meet her this evening – and hangs up.

Rocksey appears like magic at the bedroom door ….almost ( but not quite) as if he had been listening, The Baron & Dreads not too far behind. ‘JD? ‘ he innocently asks holding up the bottle.


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