Ten days into our holiday in Spain I have come out in a red blotchy sun rash on my thighs and upper arms and so I sit on the terrace in a shroud like a Mummy with a large umbrella shielding me from the sun, flicking through a glossy magazine looking at photos of models in skimpy bikinis golden brown, perfect sun kissed skin and wind blowing through their perfect sand free hair……
Now I know these are air brushed and photo shopped to within an inch of their lives and the models probably aren’t even on location but artfully posed in a studio with the background added later by a computer but I always start off the thoughts of my holiday that I may also, at the end of 2 weeks, look a sun kissed lovelier version of myself when I step off the beach into a chiringuito………
Lets hold off there and look at the reality of the situation. At the end of a long hard day on the beach I look a picture of bedraggledness. That salty wind surfers beach blonde hair? the reality is that its also covered in sand and hanging like rats tails not artfully tousled!
Make up is non existent, I actually learnt many years ago that make up is something which should never accompany you to the beach and is difficult enough to keep form sliding off your face in the evenings when the temperature is in the mid 30’s at 11 pm.
That perfect all over tan? This is my worst failing as I still believe that this should be achievable. However, no matter how I toss and turn on the sun bed bits of me remain lily white, stripey, blotchy or burnt – despite the high factor ( or maybe because of) sun cream that I religiously use.
What about the smell of summer? that evocative smell of coconut and sun tan oil with a spritz of expensive perfume, Dolce & Gabbana style all Sicilian lemons and evening lilies, ummmmm. In my life wafts of calamine with top notes of mosquito spray are the smell of summer months no matter how much perfume I add on top those base notes are pretty powerful!
The result of 2 weeks in the sun for me is so far away from the super model staring out at me from the magazines, hence the shrouded look which I am hoping will become popular on the beaches of Spain ( and possibly around the world) over the summer months, and that some top perfume designer will create a summer smell evocative of a Kitten holiday the smell of calamine and mosquito spray with notes of citronella.
Rocksey as always looks like he has stepped off the cover of the magazine, tanned just by looking at the sun ( no sign of blotches unfortunately…grrr), in a white linen shirt, hair blowing artfully in the wind.
I pull the Mummy shroud further up to my chin.