It’s like Hypnotising chickens

Suky and SP went out for an alternative cabaret evening. A hypnotist was part of the show along with Burlesque dancers,  drag acts and magicians. Suky was hoping  Dynamo would make an appearance which is why she forked out an extortionate amount of cash for a front row table.

The cabaret was hosted in an art deco ballroom with a central stage and candlelit tables surrounding it. To go along with the 1920’s vibe, the theme was  Speakeasy with ‘prohibition’ cocktails and copious amounts of ‘hooch’ were readily available and SP made the most of the variety of Bourbons on sale and ‘e cigarettes’ in flavours of cherry and honey to complement the southern style whiskeys.

The comedians and dancers warmed up the audience. Suky and SP – always animated in large crowds – started off exchanging pleasantries with their neighbouring tables but after the steak dinner ( which was part of the evening), SP invited the adjacent couples  to join them making a large group that the Management conceded would spend far more money as a whole than separately and bottles of champagne and bourbon were soon left on the tables after SP surrendered his Black Amex Charge card to the bar manager. 

Half way through the revelries, the hypnotist took his turn on the stage. Asking for a volunteer from the audience his gaze, scanning the room, settled on SP. ‘You Sir?’ He asked, extending his hand towards him. SP smirked. – you can’t hypnotise me- he laughed – I don’t believe in that rubbish, he nods over at Suky – she will though…..

‘No Sir, let me cast that doubt from your mind’, the hypnotist was firm , his extended hand not wavering from SP. SP shrugged and laughed and got to his feet. Go on then mate, do your worst!! He laughed, taking hold of the hypnotists hand and climbed onto the stage.

For twenty minutes, the hypnotist worked on SP. It was very jokey, Suzy recalled almost as if they were partners in crime and had worked on a stage show prior to going on stage…almost as if SP had been a plant in the audience. The hypnotist took out a pocket watch and suggested SP followed it with his eyes as he swung it backwards and forwards. SP pretended to fall asleep only to fixate the audience with a stage wink when the hypnotist turned his attention to something else for a second. He pretended to fall into a trance, snoring loudly and then walked around the stage arms stretched out in front of him like a zombie, leaving the audience in tears of laughter. All the time the hypnotist talked to him in a low almost inaudible tone only loudly stating towards the end of the act that it was indeed impossible to hypnotise SP, that he was beyond help and on hearing that SP had been brought up in a pub, should spend the rest of the evening clearing glasses to enhance his experience of the evening further. 

SP returned to his seat, told you, he whispered to Suky, no one can hypnotise me! The hypnotist took several other men from the audience, had them begging like dogs, taking off their clothes and pretending to me strippers much to the snorts of derision from SP that the man was a fraud and the participants were just pretending to be hypnotised for the audiences delight and would be paid  at the end of the night.  It’s like hypnotising chickens he laughed!

After the hypnotist left the stage and there was a 10 minute break before the next Act, Suky went to the loo and on her return found the table clear of glasses and empty bottles and SP no where to be seen, thinking the waiting staff were very efficient and SP was also in the loo or at the bar, she didn’t think much of it and started to chat with one of the other women who had joined them.’Whats your husband doing?’ The woman pointed in the direction of the bar. Suky turned staring incredulously as she watched SP move from table to table with a gigantic glass stack in the crook of hie elbow, whisking glasses of tables he added to the stack as it started to bend perilously. ‘I have no idea’ Suky watched in wonder as SP deposited the stack at the bar then headed off in the other direction swiftly creating a second stack which, again, he returned to the bar. 

This went on until the he lights went down for the next Act. And SP returned to his seat at the front table.’ What are you doing? Suky whispered oddly, ‘I thought you said he hadn’t hypnotised you, why are you pretending he did? SSP looked at Suky as if she had suddenly started speaking in tongues ‘What are you on about woman?’ He poured a drink from the bottle of Bourbon on the table ‘shhhh the next act is on’. They watched this and after 20 minutes the lights came on again and SP got up from the table and started clearing the empty glasses. ‘SP’Suky put her hand on his arm, ‘ the staff do that you know, your not in the pub now….’. ‘I have a job to do’SP brushed her off and off he went again, moving a round the room backwards and forwards until the empty glasses were back on the bar and the tables cleared again ready in time for the finale of the evening.

 Finally the evening comes to a close and  just before the lights come up for the  last time, the hypnotist came back on stage wearing a fabulous Cheshire Cat style grin. He beckoned at  SP and curling his fingers in a ‘come hither’ signal. ‘Ahhhh Signor Pinguino, please humour me for a second and climb back onto the stage with me’. ‘Go on ‘Suky pushed him towards the hypnotist – ‘he’s bloody well gone and done it and you need to be snapped out of it’. SP nonplussed looks at the hypnotist in all innocence. ‘ hey mate you didn’t hypnotise me’ he laughed’ but I will humour you’, he climbs up onto the stage and does a series of theatrical bows to the audience. . ‘ What have you been up to in the intervals this evening’ asked the hypnotist. SP looks at him quizzically ‘ ‘nothing’ he says, ‘I went to the toilet and had a fag….’. ‘ No you didn’t ‘ shouts Suky – ‘you’ve been collecting glasses…The whole time!’.   SP denied this but the entire audience agrees with Suky. The hypnotist takes a bow, whispers something in SP’s ear and snaps his fingers. SP suddenly looks shell shocked glancing wildly around . It occurs to Suky that SP didn’t even know he was on the stage. His gaze rests on the hypnotist and then back at Suky. The audience are deafening in their applause. SP sits back down. – ‘ what just happened? ‘ he asks her.

The lights come up and people start to leave. SP still remains at the table. The funny thing was, Suky recounts later, he had no recollection of the evening, he thought the the evening had just started not ended and didn’t remember a thing, least of all collecting glasses. The evening has remained lost to SP’s memory,  however, when the Amex bill came in he had to admit that something must have happened as he clearly didn’t remember spending that much money! The funny thing is Suky smiles – I think something has stayed in his brain cos now he clears the table after dinner, EVERY NIGHT and he never did that before!! I think perhaps next time they go to see the hypnotist I might volunteer Rocksey up on stage, perhaps I might also get a little help with the housework now and again!!

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