Sally from Kansas – a case of mistaken identity.

So  after the madness of Berlin, we are back to normal at Rocksey Towers and so at a loose end, Rocksey decides that we  should to do a bit of shopping. Rocksey still owed me for the now ruined Python skin boots and I had been doing some on-line window shopping drooling over the latest Dolce & Gabbana Fall collection so I decided it was pay back time. 

Well I don’t know if you are overly familiar with D&G’s flagship store in Bond St, London but it is the closest anyone of us will get to heaven unless you can get to the Milan store of course. The last time Missy and I had been on a shopping spree  in Milan we had spent rather a lot of money in this store  and so, with no time to get a flight and a weekend away, Rocksey and I took the train to London for the day.
Doormen open a door into a world away from the grey streets of London into a Sicilian paradise   –  even with the muted tones of the Fall collection, it still feels like lemons and sunshine, the staff discrete all in black are to hand almost to the moment when in your head you think. I want this – it’s almost as if they are mind readers!

So here we are, I head off in search of black lace  and leather already an outfit idea concocting in my head. At this point in time, I assumed Rocksey was in menswear or somewhere as he wasn’t beside me, this is ususal so I wasn’t worried, he’s even been known to slope off to the nearest bar leaving me in the changing rooms  – luckily here, I know that should Rocksey fancy a glass of Chamagne whilst waiting  to flex his credit card the discrete staff will provide this for him. -and hopefully one for me too – as shopping is such thirsty work.

Possibly an hour into the wandering around this great emporium with a lovely sales girl on hand she listens to someone on her little ear piece and turns to me with some excitement – can I leave you for a second Madam   –  she almost whispers. –  a customer has  asked for me personally . Of course , go , go. – who is it? I’m truly hoping it might be Victoria Beckham but I imagine that they would close the store for her so she wouldn’t get mobbed. I crane my neck ( discretely of course) but can’t see anyone. -actually I can’t even see where Rocksey might be – hopefully hanging a round the till keeping himself amused.

I finish browsing around and having tried on several items decide that I really can’t justify buying a pair of £500 sunglasses so go in search of Rocksey having given the couple of tops I want to purchase to another sales girl to package up for me ( although the gift wrapping is lovely here it does take some time so better to wander around a bit longer so it will be ready when I arrive at the till). I set off in search of Rocksey. A quick scout around in the mens wear department hes nowhere to be seen, the young guy on the shop floor hasn’t seen him for a while although he did try on some shoes ( yes I bet he did!!) I descend the stairs back to womenswear in case he was looking for me ( hmmmm unlikely!). 

I notice a young thin blonde woman browsing through a rack of dresses, yanking things off the hangers and throwing them at someone in the shadows who it appears is deftly catching each item  whilst Blondey continues with her one woman anillation of the beautiful display of dresses that have so artfully been put together. 

I meant to carry on through the shop when a display of scarves catch my eye and so I stop to look . At the same time Blondey moves into my sight line moving purposely towards the changing room her minion. A few paces behind staggering slightly with the amount of clothes in their open arms. I shake my head frowning slightly, some people, I think, she obviously has money but the poor sales girl must be showing  some patience there.  As they move past, I recognise Blondey. A Instagram favourite of Rockseys, it is either Taylor Swift or someone who looks very much like her. It can’t be I think she would have body guards with her surely.  However I do indeed recognise the person with her as behind an armful of dreamy  silk dresses is …yes it’s Rocksey. He catches my eye as I stare incredously at him as he staggers slightly – help me. – he mouths as he continues in pursuit of Ms Swift ( or her Dopple-ganger).

I smirk to myself as I go back downstairs to the tills where my packages are ready to be paid for.  I’m not sure way Rocksey is pretending to be a salesperson or the personal body guard of Ms Swift but I think it might be time to rescue him. I call over the girl who had been helping me and a few seconds later she is furiously talking discreetly into her mouth piece  and then disappears. A few moments later Rocksey.  – relieved by his burdens of dresses – appears beside me.What on earth???? I start to say. Shusshhhh he says, she might realise I’m not staff, come on let’s get out of here.

When we get outside I take a long hard look at Rocksey- I realise he is dressed all in black and with is hair greased back he does have the look of ( perhaps slightly scruffier) one of the sales staff. I was just standing a round waiting for you he said shrugging his shoulders. And then this lady came up to me … transpires that Rocksey had recognised her, and not being of the shy retiring type had gone up to have ‘ a chat’. -probably trying to get her to give him a cameo appearance on one of her mega multi million selling albums more like!! Ms Swift thinking he was her personal shopper didn’t give him a chance to speak and started chucking stuff at him and before Rocksey could object, he said, she was off like a whirling dervish – luckily whilst she was in the changing room, Rocksey had been -discretely of course – relieved of his duties by the young guy in menswear, Ms Swift had not even noticed much to Rockseys chagrin and he still hadn’t had the chance to discuss his proposal for a duet with her ( I’m not sure whether she would have recognised Rocksey if he had introduced himself or whether she would have taken up the salesmanship offer of singing with her!!)


We go to the Cock & Lion- a  nearby pub for lunch and a well deserved drink and half way through our meal , Blondey walks in with a couple of other all American girls weighted down with designer store bags. They obviously not sure what to do in an English pub – even one in central London and so Rocksey takes his opportunity  and catching Ms Swifts eye smiles and says -Ladies do you need any help here?  They look at me as I roll my eyes and smile and they giggle. The place is packed and says we have a couple of free chairs at our table they join us. There is a table of younger men near to us and they can do nothing but stare at the girls – Blondey in particular. Taylor Swift leans in and says in a conspiracy manner – they think I’m Tayor Swift. – do you know who she is? Rocksey and I shake our heads dumbly although I can tell that Rocksey is actually screaming inside his head – of course I do. You dumb bitch – I love you. – I want to duet with you – don’t you recognise me????

I’m actually Sally from Kansas she smiles sweetly offering her hand which we shake dutifully. The lunch passes quickly, the girls eat fish finger sandwiches ( it’s as English as it comes Rocksey has reassured them) and drink  fizzy glasses of English Cider and then just before they gather up their bags to leave Sally from Kansas looks Rocksey straight in the eye and says ‘ Do I know you? You look so familiar – are you Rocksey Rockstar?  Rocksey shrugs and smiles – no lovely he says – I’m just a sales bloke at D& G. Sally  looks puzzled for a moment and then says. – let’s have a selfie anyway -you have made our lunchtime a real pleasure. Selfies are taken and then  in a whirl of air kisses and clouds of Victoria Secrets peachy perfume the girls have gone. The guys at the table lean over and ask ‘ was that actually Taylor Swift? No I say it was Sally from Kansas.

A few days later, on stalking Taylor Swifts Instagram , there is a pic taken of her and Rocksey in The Cock & Lion with the caption. –  ‘a case of mistaken identity – me and Rocksey Rockstar AKA A sales guy in D&G.’ Rocksey adds his photo underneath captioned  ‘ me and Talor Swift AKA Sally from Kansas. –  we could have made beautiful music together’.

Rocksey is now waiting for a call from Ms Swifts management. I have new D&G to show off and me and Suki are going out on the town tomorrow – all is well in the world!


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