Suky and SP have just come back from a Vegan retreat in Ko Phangan in Thailand. After the chaos of the European leg of the tour, SP came home exhausted and Suky having overdosed on chocolate hobnobs and prosecco whilst he was away decided that what they needed was 2 weeks getting back to nature and getting rid of the 2 stone that they had managed to put on. So off they flew for a fortnight of yoga, green smoothies and mediation. Suky is not one to do things by halves, she had researched this particular retreat whilst stuffing the hobnobs and watching re-run of Sex in the City, she was more exhausted than SP who had spent the last 3 weeks strutting his stuff on stage, necking large quantities of JD and not having sex with the many groupies who clamoured for his attention after each gig.
The sanctuary retreat is a place of tranquility and calm set amongst the jungle vegetation of the island where a short stroll after breakfast brings you to the pure white sands and azure blue seas where swinging in a hammock is the closest place to Heaven you can get. The only downfall according toSP was that there were at least 3 yoga classes a day to attend, an hour meditaton before breakfast and a vegan diet where of course there was no alcohol to help you wind down from each hectic day. There was, however, massages ( no happy ending here though) and, on a Friday night, the ever attentive staff turned a blind eye as the full moon parties, that the island is famed for, cranked up the volume and guests, who felt the need for a break from their self imposed exile, took a Tuk Tuk or two out of the Sanctury to a beach side bar where after a couple of Sundowners they could dance all night and still get back for an Oat smoothie and an hour of Oms at the meditation class.
Suky pretended the first Friday night that ‘her body is a temple ‘ and refused to join SP whom she scolded was ‘ easily lead’ by the 2 gay Italians who ‘persuaded him’ that dancing naked in the sea at midnight was what he needed to unwind a little more. However, by the following Friday Suky needed no persuading that this was more relaxing than another Indian Head massage ( and the Italians had impeccable bodies so why the hell not she reasoned to herself). After all, being a vegan and taking 3 yoga classes a day was incredibly boring after a few days she needed something to take her mind off the fact that if she had to eat one more bowl of mushroom pearl barley sludge she was going to go completely mad!!
After 2 weeks without alcohol, the fizzy went a little to everyones heads and much cavorting was carried out on the beach that night. Thank goodness they were gay men she confessed to me over a sparkling water , who knows what could have happened if they hadn’t of been, they were , well pretty amazing she rolled her eyes at the memory and took a long drink of water., of course, they were more interested in SP than me, but you know what he’s like.. all flirty and then of course he never actually puts his money where his is mouth is if you know what I mean…. I laughed, I could just imagine the banter that SP would have entered into – his Italian is worse than his Spanish, who knows what he could have said and delivered with a wink and his cheeky grin the 2 men must have thought he was the salami in their Friday sandwich! Alas it was not meant to be. SP swore to Rocksey over a beer that a Vegan retreat was not what he would have in mind for some R & R after the next tour!!
Rocksey has been considering a vegan lifestyle for some time, especially since playing with an old crush of his in the early summer who has been Vegan for many years and looks 10 years younger now than when Rocksey first met her in the heady days of youth in the early 1980s when he confided to me she was a bit chubby and spotty.
With SP and Suky off on their Retreat, Rocksey decided it was time we tried out the Vegan lifestyle without the hassle of going to Thailand to do it. So the fridge was cleared of anything that was not plant based – including all the beers and Rocksey spent an evening downloading recipes from his iPad before heading off to the supermarket for supplies.
Well we spent the first week eating a variety of vegetable based meals and the second week eating mainly lentils , bulgar wheat and tofu, neither myself or Rocksey missing meat although I could have murdered some chocolate especially Minstrels which are my favourite TV snack!! I am pleasantly surprised by your commitment I mentioned to Rocksey last Saturday morning -even abstaining from a beer or two. Rocksey grimaced at me – he was off to the football with Mr Lucky – this usually meant a few beers before the game and a few after, Mr Lucky had been told of a new bar in town which sold real ales and luckily for Rocksey a vegan organic lager ( made with acorns Mr Lucky told Rocksey with a big grin on his face ). Mr Lucky was not even going to attempt to try out this new ‘trendy’ lifestyle choice – he is a pie and pint man of the old school and no one was going to persuade him otherwise.
The afternoon passed peacefully in Rocksey Towers. I spent the afternoon on Whatsapp having a transatlantic conversation with Suky ( after the Full Moon party she was nursing a bit of a hangover) and wondering what Vegan delights Rocksey would cook up when he got back from the football. Rocksey arrived home around 6pm looking slightly worse for wear with a slightly guilty look on his face. I assumed that the vegan organic lager made from acorns may have been a bit suspect and Rocksey may have slipped up and had a couple of glasses of wine instead, but no, he said , he had tried the lager but was feeling about ill and wasn’t feeling very hungry so I could eat what I liked that evening as he was going to go to bed with a bit of a stomach ache.
Now this isnt like Rocksey at all to not feel well so I worried about what he may or may not have eaten. A quick face time phone call to Mr Lucky was made – I decided to Facetime him as he can lie through his teeth whilst on the phone but face to face, I know that he wouldn’t be able to and at this point I was feeling a tad suspicious. Mr Lucky looked very sheepish when he answered the phone and after a few direct questions and a mild threatening by me he spilled the (non vegan ) beans.
Sunday morning, Rocksey was back on form and after breakfast we had a walk around the garden with the chickens dutifully following us hoping that there were treats on offer. I quizzed Rocksey about the previous afternoon determined to get the truth.
So Rocksey I started off, how as the football? It was good, he said absentminded, 1-0 to City at half time, 2-0 full time -still top of the league what more can I ask for?
this was my moment……A cheeseburger perhaps? I say coyly …..with extra cheese and bacon? And fries with cheese on top? And a few lagers? And Smoky bacon crisps??? I hit Rocksey with the trowel I’m holding lightly on his shoulder – anything else you want to tell me about your day out?
Rocksey did have the whereabouts to look slightly guilty. He knew that I knew and he wasn’t going to get away with it. I smacked him again with the trowel, ‘ and I had a bloody tofu stir fry for dinner whilst you were eating processed meat you bastard! ‘ He smirked and I had to laugh, yes he said but I have also uncovered your stash of chocolate minstrels and they are definatley NOT vegan.
The moral of the story and one that I share with Suky, sometimes you try really hard to be good your intentions are honourable and you knwo that you are trying really hard but soemtimes temptation does get the better of you , for me it’s chocolate minstrels, for Rocskey it was a cheeseburger ( with extra cheese and bacon) and for Suky and SP it was two Italian men on a Thai beach But a a little bit of what you fancy, in very small doses doesn’t actually hurt and makes life a little more interesting……..
By the way, we are still keeping more or less to our new vegan(ish) lifestyle but there is now full fat lager ( and not stuff made from acorns) and chocolate on the menu. SP and Suky lost the weight and have kept in touch with Stefano and Domenico and have been invited to a weekend at their Sicilian home – now that will be an interesting story to tell!!