Dentista ! ! ! ! !

img_1729Well the day had finally come Marsh was set for his annual visit to his local dentist. Normally this for anyone else is a NON event but not Marsh……  this is the equivalent to wearing his beloved LeicesterCity shirt in the Nottingham forest end, and cheering for his team …  Nothing good is going to come from it.

BUt with the courage of Daniel. Entering the lions den he set off for his annual face off with fate. Normally Melody would be there to assist and calm his nerves, but according to Marsh she had deserted him for some trivial engagement, which actually turned out to be a meeting with the CEO of Shell UK LTD to discuss diversification of the UK fuel infrastructure, not a shopping trip as Marsh had led us to believe. Now with it being the dentist Marsh couldnt have his usual dutch courage enhancer (a shot or 4 of JD) all he could rely on was the information that there was new dentist. He was booked to see and he had been informed that she was HOT HOT HOT ! ! !….

So dressed to the 9’s Marsh climbed into his Lamborghini and set off to the dentist. He was out to impress and bolster his shredded nerves. The car park was almost full as Marsh pulled in. Noticing Rockseys Bike in one space he pulled his Lambo completely blocking Rockseys Bike. Smiling he strode in to reception. Now the receptionist know Marsh’s problems with his annual visit and immediately offers him a a seat in their tranquil room, full of soothing colours and whale song….

Slumped on another seat Marsh noticed Rocksey Headphones on sunglasses and a hat that almost hid his face, and some of the filthiest clothes he had ever seen him wearing  – —   What you doing here ? No response from Rocksey Again WHAT YOU DOING HERE ?   Still no response, Marsh got up and tapped Rocksey on the shoulder which had him almost jump out of his skin. Wow Marsh “what you doing here and where is Melody  I thought you didnt like the dentist ?” More to the point what you doing here well to be honest ive heard that we have a new dentist that is hotter that the sun so ive come down for an emergency toothache. Which tooth asked Marsh NON said rocksey its just a ruse. With that Rockseys name was called, a huge grin Spread across his face until the receptionist said Mr Green would see him now. Marsh couldnt help but laugh as rocksey sloped off to Mr Green.

Marsh didnt have to wait long for his turn, now a quivering wreck only the thought of the sight that awaited him kept him in control of his legs and more importantly his bladder. Marsh was positioned in the chair and tilted back so all he could see were the lights and the ceiling, glasses slipped on to him and the vacuum pipe put in his mouth, then the vision came into view and yes she was stunning, this now didnt help marsh at all he was about as brave now as a 4 year old starting school for the first time. Now it turns out Marsh had only gone in for a SCALE AND POLISH. But for this Marsh has to have his customary  6 numbing injections, which it turn out had the new dentist amused as she had never met anyone who needed this before, work done and now was the time for Marsh to sit up. Wow you’d have thought he’d been on a week long bender with Olive Reed, Marsh had lost the ability to SPEAK, WALK OR EVEN SIT. Even the nurses were worried now as they had never seen a reaction like this to a scale and polish before and a emergency phone call was made to Melody. What she screams I’m 150 miles from him and in a extremely important meeting cant he cope, with this ringing inthe receptionist’s ears she calls back to the dentist.”it’s alright now we have  him in the recovery room (normally used for the very young children and full of cuddly toys) and he’s sat up and dribbling.

Now Rocksey comes out and see Marsh surrounded by a host of disney characters. Whipping out his phone Rocksey get numerous pictures of Marsh trying to swill his mouth out and completely missing, ending up with all the liquid soaking his pure white Westwood shirt now a shade of blue. Marsh still cant talk and burbles somthing in Rockseys direction who isnt taking any notice, as he’s just noticed through the window how his bike is blocked in…

one hour and a half later Marsh can talk and him and Rocksey stroll into the car park, did you see her Rocksey “No I didnt” was the response . She is a vision and i think ive left a good impression with her, if you class looking like someone who has just wet themselves with a inability to walk or talk then yes you impressed her.

Two days later Rocksey and Marsh meet up to discuss Rockseys new solo album which Rocksey has invited marsh to play on (tambourine and maracas) this pleases Marsh as he’s not played his guitar in years and sees it really as a lads jolly including beer beer and then more beer. Rocksey isn’t normally very observant but even he notices Marsh is talking with his lips over his teeth, whats with your mouth Marsh ?, well when i left the dentists i left with a teeth whitening kit and I was supposed to leave it on for 1 hour but i fell asleep and 8 hours later this had happened. Opening his mouth, It was like someone had painted all Marshes teeth brilliant white, like a set of really bad dentures, like plastic pillars. WTF Rocksey shouts putting his glasses back on even though it was dark in the room “your like all the Osmonds and Gibb brothers x 10 ” but even brighter.

Bursting into laughter they fall back into their chairs, “why dont you just miss next years appointment” Rocksey enquiries “might just do that” is the response.

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