Hutch V Marsh


Well Hutch was most disappointed with Marsh and his drunken stupor after 4 pints the other night, that this time he was going to make sure Marsh stayed the distance and SUFFERED as well…

Not only did Hutch write books but he also grew chillies hundreds of different types and had been trying to perfect the worlds hottest chilli. Now Marsh thought that Heinz spicy relish was Hot enough and anything else was just plain foolish, Especially after the time at Rockseys where Marsh had ignored the warnings of Rocksey  “don’t take a bite of the chilli” and proceeded to bite off a pea sized chunk. Marsh spent just over an Hour in the toilet sure he was going to die and emerged finally to a round of applause from all in the room and whiter than Casper the ghost shouting “you tried to kill me ” .

Well Hutch thought he could go one better, as he missed out on the fun last time. Him and Marsh had a day sailing around the island on Hutche’s yacht and drinking a few beers, when marsh announced it was betting time. Now if you’ve followed this post you’ll know Marsh see himself as a bit of a gambler (all be it not very good) Now Hutch didnt gamble but went along with it. colour of the next boat around the headland stated marsh ok sighed Hutch Blue marsh said, Hutch knowing 90% of the boats around were white plumped for the colour of choice, 15 minutes later Hutch was one up and Marsh had a shot of vodka in his hand. Now hutch lined up various size glasses on the table and poured vodka into each and each losing bet ment you went to the next size glass…

This had Marsh a little concerned but he thought he must be able to beat Hutch the non betting man.. next bet Marsh said decade the next song on the Radio is from and chose 2000’s now Hutch couldnt belive his look as they were listening to absolute 90’s and chose the 90’s and yes Hutch won again. After losing 2 more bets and feeling rather Drunk Marsh changed the stakes to eating now marsh didn’t know but the only FOOD on the yacht was a delivery of California Reaper Chillies Hutch was delivering the next day.

Whats the Bet Hutch asked . Hmmmmm Marsh thought and shouted the result of the football game being shown on the tv ok said Hutch, now hutch wasnt to concerned if he lost the bet as he could just about eat one of the chillies, painful but he could just handle it. Now Marsh thought has he had 1st choice he couldn’t lose Chelsea V Palace it had to be Chelsea all the way he shouted and doing a celebratory jig on the deck and shouting WINNER WINNER Hutch’es eating DINNER,…….  Now Hutch didnt think he had much chance either but you never know, and yes Palace WON 2-1 which had Hutch doing the same dance as Marsh but with a bit more style and panache. Now Marsh was looking a slight bit worried (more terrified) at the prospect and offered to down the largest glass full of vodka in 1 as a trade-off, No said hutch its the chilli a whole chilli.

Marsh sorted through and chose the smallest he could find  was about the size of a grape. Now Hutch had his phone ready and counted down 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 EAT. Marsh put the chilli in his mouth and bit down, fearing the worst but instead it was fruity and actually quite nice so marsh chomped away. 10 seconds had passed before Marsh suddenly froze and you could watch the colour drain from him, just like someone had opened a tap in his ankle and all the blood had left his body. Do something he screamed at Hutch who by now was rolling around on the deck clutching his sides and Marsh ran back and forth looking for relief. Marsh saw a Pitcher of water No shouted Hutch But to late Marsh was gulping on the water. Hutch knew water only made it worse. Now Marsh was the same colour as the chilli by now and desperately seeking anything diary as Hutch had managed to inform him in between his screams and sobbing also knowing the nearest dairy products wer 3 miles away in the local shop. Marsh was going to have to man this one out. Now Marsh’s version of manning it out was to go and lock himself in the boats toilets for the next 2 hours wishing that the world would suddenly end to finish his pain.


All marsh could mumble on their way back to port was Chelsea Chelsea WHY, whilst Hutch whistled a sea shanty and wondering if the video of Marsh’s meltdown would go viral.


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