Vegan Lifestyle for 6 weeks trial

Well the night after the Debarcle of Marsh in the studio. Rocksey came bounding into the lounge at 7AM where Penguino was busy strumming out a new tune .This stopped Rocksey in his tracks as this guitar had only 4 strings yet Penguino was making it sing like a song bird. “We’ve no time for that now” Rocksey shouted. I’ve just got off the phone to Rob Zombie and he wants us to play at Sheri Moons Birthday party! ! ! ! ! . Rocksey had been on the same bill as Zombie at Download festival this year performing as Pablo Mercedes. Zombie headlined and Pablo was well down the bill. But Rocksey and Zombie hit it off big style and Zombie had convinced Rocksey to give the vegan lifestyle a go while Rocksey was in Spain for six weeks.. Rocksey announced to Penguino that the whole band was going vegan for the six weeks ! Penguino uttered a mouthful of expletives in the direction of Rocksey finishing off with you’ve got no chance.

Rocksey did think that Penguino would react like that. So it was Rocksey alone, which he thought wouldn’t be to hard as he was pescartarian. “Well i’m giving it a go for 6 weeks Rocksey batted back at Penguino.

Rocksey and Penguino decided to go and sit by the pool before going down to the beach. A few beers later and a lot of self congratulating on there recordings last night.Penguino asked “have you seen Mr no rhythm ” “who Marsh ” Rocksey replied. Yes the one and the same “NO” not a sight or sound. Penguino and Rocksey clinked glasses and carried on where they had left off.

Right its 10AM lets go said Penguino, “don’t you think we should look for him” Rocksey replied. You know when we spilt that milk and didn’t clear it up for a week we couldn’t get rid of the smell and if he’s dead the stink will be ten times worse. “YOUR RIGHT” Penguino reluctantly acknowledged and they both set about looking for Marsh. After searching the bedrooms, Kitchen, Study and every place they knew Marsh liked to sneak off to when the drinking was getting to much and hide ! ! ! . All turned up nothing, “Where did you last see him” Penguino asked “The studio” was the reply. Now penguino was worried he had left his guitars in there and Marsh was forbidden to go within 10 meters of any of them.

Unlocking the Door to the studio and swinging it open Marsh fell through. He resembled on of the characters from Day Of The Living Dead “I don’t feel to good” he whispered clutching his head. Penguino being the ever compassionate person his is plugged his guitar in turned everything up to full and hit his favourite power chord. This drained the remaining colour from Marsh not that there was much to drain. Were off to the beach will we see you there Penguino asked. “Yes Yes just go” Pleaded Marsh. Rocksey laughing and slamming doors left for the beach. Only after Penguino had double locked the studio door.

“Are you really going to try being Vegan” penguino asked “yep” rocksey replied. 2 hours later Marsh appeared around the corner still whiter than a bottle of milk and looking worse than a 8 day old cadaver. Marsh joined Penguino and Rocksey on the beach, now Rocksey and Penguino were sat in the shade as the uv level was 10 Marsh on the other hand set up in the full sun (mad dogs and English men) Are you sure Rocksey enquired “yep I know what I’m doing” Marsh replied. Now Marsh was asleep wishing 2 minutes, Rocksey and Penguino thought about moving the umbrella to shade Marsh but decided instead to go and have a beer at the bar where they could slowly watch Marsh change from White to a lovely Crimson colour.

2 hours later they returned to find Marsh now in the fetal position. Marsh suddenly from nowhere sprung into life and asked about dinner. Ok we’ll go now. Penguino expected Marshes skin to split at any moment as he was now radiating more heat that a fusion reactor. Dinner didn’t go to well for Marsh as he managed to eat about a third of the food in front of him . 

The Trio returned to there slot on the Beach Marsh again passed out Rocksey and penguino were now checking what Rocksey could eat and drink  to go with his new life choice.Penguion announced “YOUR SAFE WITH WATER AND THATS IT” laughing and sprinting across the sand as to stand for more than 2 seconds would remove the skin from your feet. Marsh now felling even worse had found a shady spot to wish for a swift death. Rocksey and Penguino again took up camp in the bar and settled in for the afternoon.


“Will he never learn” Penguino threw the comment at Rocksey “NEVER NEVER NEVER” not as long as the sun keeps rising and he’s allowed into a bar. Again the to friends clink glasses and toast “This ones for Marsh the living breathing zombie”.

Back to Reality NOT

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Well the partying couldn’t go on forever, Marsh went back to his part-time directorships Penguino went off to his retreat, Melody and Suki stayed on in Greece to take in the culture they said, more like the wine I thought. Me and Rocksey returned home with nothing planned or so I thought.

After a couple of days lazing around and strumming his guitar (were still on the same song by the way) Rocksey announced “were off” where I squawked back at him. Spain ! !! !  why Spain?. I’ve arranged a few solo gigs there just low-key 20 to 30 people max he said. But you only know 2 songs and neither of them are perfect and you don’t even know all the lyrics to them, you can’t go and humm your way through. I have to admit i was a touch concerned in Rockseys eyes he was a far better guitarist than he actually was and yes he could get away with mumbling the lyrics to his own songs  but not to the classics he was proposing.

Two days later my bags were packed “wheres your bags” I asked Rocksey ?, “here” was the response WHERE I shouted back. Proudly Rocksey showed me his old school satchel “here”. “you’ve got to be joking ” I retorted “no” here is my BAG! !. Well don’t come complaining to me in a few days when you stink and even I wont come within 10 yards of you.

The first few days were just fine hot sunshine, azul blue skies, and great people. Rocksey had surpassed himself with the early organisation and even the first show was good, the people seemed to enjoy it and Rocksey certainly did. “Its far more intense” he said  just me and the people non of that stage show, fireworks and lights this is far better.

it wasn’t long before we had it the south of Spain (an area I knew very well) we’d taken up residence in one of Rockseys Spanish friends villas Rocksey was playing in the local bars and I was just touring around. I’m off to Granada for a few days I told Rocksey, Ok see you when you get back. Now this was unusual Rocksey normally likes to know when and where, who and how when a trip is organised but this time not a question. I have to admit I wasn’t so sure about going now. But off I went “see you in three days I called” “bye have a great time” was the reply. out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of Rocksey sprinting out towards the terrace. no time to investige now my driver had turned up and off I went.

Now what happened next is Rockseys version of events so belive what you might.A few phone calls later and Marsh and Penguino were both on their way to meet Rocksey. Rocksey had now realised that his guitar playing wasnt the best and required the silken skills of Penguino but why Marsh that I couldn’t work out.

Man hugs were handed out as soon as Penguino and Marsh arrived and the beers were opened. “whats the plan” Penguino enquired. “latin speaking countries” there’s a massive market out there and together we can take it. Also we start tonight here’s the song list, Rocksey handed the list to Penguing. Penguino looked back at Rocksey and said “is this the right list” yep was the reply. No problem Penguino replied. Senor Penguino could play just about any song and if he couldn’t he could produce a tune which was just as good. When tonight in the harbour was the response a small venue 30 to 40 max  it will be great but before lets clear these beers. Now Marsh perked up at the sound of beer as the temperature was now in the high 30’s. What do I do asked Marsh you’ve got your tambourine like I asked, “yep” dont i need to know what songs and where I play? not really its all by ear Rocksey replied. This had marsh slightly concerned but as another beer had made its way into his hand all worries soon disappeared.

The sweltering day slid into the early evening and Rocksey and Penguino were getting ready Rocksey still living out of his tiny bag and recycling as much as he could. Penguino had borrowed a guitar from the local store, with the proviso he signed the guitar and spent a few hours in the store the following day. Marsh was still laying beside the Pool, Come on marsh were off.

The shout startled Marsh awake and he sprung into action dashing towards the car, you’re not changing he was asked. I’ve got some things in my bag “let’s go”. Rocksey was sat next to Marsh in the car and he could feel the heat coming off Marsh. You going to ne ok tonight he enquired. Unusual for Rocksey to be concerned but Marsh usually was the colour of milk and now he was slowley turning the colour of a tomato.

In through the back door they went. The three Amigos as they had billed themselves bundled themselves towards the stage. Rocksey stopped them and handed Marsh some castanets “what are these” Marsh asked “you’ll need them was the reply and with that the curtains opened Penguino started immediately the crowd loved him straight away slick and professional then Rocksey, not bad by all accounts carrying off LOLA almost note perfect. By now the sun and beer had caught up with Marsh and for the first couple of songs he was great in time and even pushing the song were required, but while Rocksey was doing his inter song chats Marsh kept on having a sip or two from the drinks provided. Rocksye and Penguino sipped water. By the fifth song Marsh seemed to have disappeared Rocksey looked at penguino and Penguino shrugged. Then night drew to a close rapturous applause echoed around the venue as they left the stage. Rocksey announced as they left the stage “clothes shopping tomorrow” I can’t keep wearing the same stuff. Music shop for me tomorrow Penguino replied, he never broke a promise. Marsh would be staying in bed as he was found slumped behind the door between the frame and the toilet. Hard to see as he was now the colour of the tiles and blended in quite well.

The usual words “never again” were uttered by Marsh. Penguino said “he’s not to bad” on percussion is he I might have a gig or two for him when we get back. “just keep him away from the beer” Rocksey said, not even a couple.

The following morning Rocksey and Penguino sat back on the terrace beer in hand betting on what time Marsh would appear, Marsh who had been taken to A&E last night with sunstroke and alcohol poisoning, it appears the drink marsh kept sipping till he started slipping was 80% proof, and the doctor had informed him no alcohol for 5 days and no sun either. What am I supposed to do Marsh asked I’m in Spain and I can’t go in the sun or have a Beer? Penguino and Rocksey full of sympathy shouted back at Marsh “were off to the beach to catch a few rays and a beer or two see ya later”……

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PASSPORT REQUIRED

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Well Marsh had decided to visit his old mucker Hutch. Now hutch had been Marshe’s best Buddy back in the day and many a tale could be told about there antics, but today I’ll stick to this visit.

A brief background on Hutch first. Hutch had always seen himself as an aspiring author and after his big win on the lottery he’d moved to the Isle of Wight in a large house overlooking the marina. To keep his eye on his yacht we all thought. Now we all laughed about Hutch writing because he had the mastery of English grammar the same as an Assyrian Goat herder. But 5 successful books down the line it was Hutch who was laughing, but i digress.

Now when Marsh was organising this trip Hutch informed him that due to heightened security Marsh would and I quote “need his passport Euros and vaccination card”. Now this had marsh in a panic and the rest of us in fits of laughter .Marsh claimed that because the Isle of Wight wasnt connected to the mainland it wasnt part of the UK, (intelligence never a strong point with Marsh) and he visited a stunned doctor to get his shots before travel.

On arrival Hutch had the day/evening all planned, they would start on Hutches yacht before hitting the harbour bars where Hutch was well known for drinking till the sun came up. When seated on the deck of the yacht hutch brought Marsh a couple of bottles of sol “Cheers matey” this is going to be a long night. This is what Marsh had been dreading, he had hoped hutch had mellowed over all the years but NO Hutch was as loud and in your face as ever about the same as a shell fired from a Tiger 2 tank. “There’s no limes in my sol” shouted Marsh “I don’t do fruit in my drinks” was Hutch’s response. if you want fruit go to one of them poncey wine bars and have a cocktail, we’ll start on the beers and progress as the night goes on .

Two bars later and 4 beers later Marsh thought (as per usual) he could take on the world and how he was also the winner of strictly come dancing, showing off his moves to the latest Tinie tempah song, he looked more like Bambi on Ice.

Hutch turned to look out over the harbour only to hear a loud thud behind him, spinning around he saw NOTHING ! ! ! Until his eyes dropped to floor level there was MArsh in his normal position unconscious and drunk as a skunk.

Hutch summoned the bar staff to drag Marsh into the back room to sleep his 2 bottles and 4 small beers off while Hutch would as per normal continue the party till the early hours. NOTHING will ever change with hard drinking Marsh Nothing will change Hutch thought to himself as he watched the sun sink below the horizon while sipping another whiskey…

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Day Tripping ! ! !

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Well Marsh had been fretting about visiting his mothers small seaside home, ever since she informed him she was moving to live in Florida for the rest of her years, as England had got far to cold for her. Marsh suspected it was really to do with tax purposes.

Marsh had convinced Rocksey it would be a great idea for them both to go and visit his former family home by the sea. Now Marsh had told Rocksey for years about how run down the place was and of its former glory when marsh used to live there and run the estate, Stating how his mother didn’t really have an interest in the grounds or building. All she wanted to do according to marsh was jet around the world following the summer.

Now Rocksey has been in a car driven by Marsh before and he had sworn NEVER to be in the same car as Marsh whilst marsh was driving. But Marsh had just had his new car delivered and Rocksey wasnt one to turn down a ride in what Marsh called his runaround car which turned pout to be a top of the range Aston martin. Belive it or not both Marsh & Rocksey saw themselves as James Bond and would often while away the days telling each other how they’d make a better Bond than Daniel Craig.

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So on this fine sunny morning Marsh and Rocksey set off on the three-hour drive to Marshes family home. Less that 5 minutes into the journey Rocksey had his head in his hands as Marsh yelled out of the window at cars that wouldn’t get out of his way. The fact that they were stationary at traffic lights didnt phase Marsh, as per normal he’d let the world know he was in a rush. Rocksey pointed out they were not in any rush as nobody was expecting them which seemed to calm Marsh down for a few minutes. But as Marsh sped through the countryside relying on his satnav to inform him of any speed cameras that may lurk around the next corner (mobile or fixed) he gleefully informed Rocksey he hadn’t been caught speeding in the last two weeks ! ! ! ! …. All was progressing well until Marsh had to slam on the brakes only just avoiding becoming part on one of the largest tractors Rocksey had seen. Now this tractor big as it was could only travel at about 10mph and the roads were now all blind bends and hills and hollows and even Marsh in all his fury wouldn’t attempt to pass, so Marsh spent the next 3 miles shouting abuse and throwing things out of the car window at the tractor all to no effect. Wearing ear protectors the driver of the tractor wouldnt have heard if marsh was shouting right next to him rather than 10mtrs behind him.

Rocksey at this point put his own earphones on and turned up the music loud knowing this was going to be one of the longest 3 hours of his life and he would ignor the Victor Meldrew that was driving. Three hours later they arrived at the run down home. Rocksey announced “I see your driving hasn’t improved or your road manners” Rocksey had always compared Marsh’s driving to that of Dick Dastardly in Wacky races always rushing and speeding but always taking longer to get anywhere that any normal driver.

Now this run down shack as Marsh had been describing the former family home was anything buthouse-near-sea-1

As you can see a most impressive house overlooking the Atlantic. Wow Rocksey said to Marsh any of the staff still here. Marsh mumbled that he didn’t know and carried on cursing every driver he had seen and even some he hadn’t seen but he knew they were on the road somewhere. Marsh threw the doors open and call out to see if anyone was there, Rocksey immediately spied a Steinberg grand piano place so the musician stared out towards the ocean and ignoring Marsh and his shouts made a ‘B’line for the instrument. lets come up with a new song he shouted to Marsh. Now Rocksey doesn’t know how to play the piano and the din that was created with Rockseys Singing !!!  and playing soon had the house keeper in the room. Master Marsh she exclaimed its been a long time, this tickled Rocksey “Master Marsh” he replied more like “Master Ba***” but was cut short by Marsh.

Marsh and the house keeper left the room to sort out finances Rocksey carried on playing and singing, finally declaring that McCartney and Lennon couldn’t have come up with a better song. After a tour around the home Rocksey turned to Marsh and said “you said this was a rundown shack” it is was the response. With this Rocksey made a sharp left turn as the drinks cabinet had been located, throwing the doors wide open Rocksey declared “PARTY TIME” and fired off the cork from a bottle of Krug 1988 Champagne at Marshes head. We’ll get a driver to take us home Rocksey Shouted as he waltzed off towards what he now called the music room, “and that will be in a few days “I LOVE IT HERE” get the dinner Marsh I’m hungry”

Marsh got the housekeeper to get some food together as now Rocksey had ALCOHOL – FOOD – MUSIC  he was set for a few days at least, this time it was Marsh with his head in his hands he knew it was a waste of time trying to change Rockseys mind and reluctantly got himself a glass knowing within the hour Marsh would be asleep on the floor somewhere.