Rocksey and Penguins were showing no signs of anything more than a couple of hours in the pub. Marsh, now that’s a completely different story. Double vision, IBS, palpitations rtations, and a shoulder that doesn’t move.
Marsh was booked in to the local health centre for a full check over. Marsh turned up at the centre whiter than Casper the ghost and feeling almost as dead, staggering into the doors and calling out for a wheel chair Marsh collapsed on the floor. Now the staff at the centre were used to Marsh and his monthly visits, everytime there is a disease mentioned on the TV Marsh would google the symptoms and convince himself he has the new incurable disease. Its not that long since he thought he had EBOLA and all it turned out to be was a nettle rash ! ! ! !….
Well the staff helped Marsh into the wheelchair and pushed him into the examination room, leaving him with a glass of water and the latest edition of cosmopolitan .
After a couple of minutes a doctor arrived in the room, “full checkover again ” Marsh just nodded, now convinced he had only minutes before he was knocking at them pearly gates. By now marsh had the strength of a dormouse and could hardly move, so the doctor summoned assistance and Marsh was unceremoniously derobed and placed on the examination table, arms draped over the sides of the table and gasping for breath. After a few tests and blood samples the doctor announced “time to bend over ” now this took Marsh completely by surprise, But th orderly had Marsh in a full arm lock and the Doctor rubber gloved up was moving in. The scream could be heard 4 blocks away. After 10 minutes Marsh was coaxed down off the top of the filing cabinet and helped into his clothes, sat in the wheelchair and taken to the waiting room.
When the test results came back Marsh’s ailments amounted to frozen shoulder from to much tambourine playing, Abs from trapped wind, irregular heartbeat from to much alcohol, and it turns up the anal exploration was just something the doctor thought would cut down on the visits Marsh made to the surgery.
Marsh was issued bottles of placebo tablets and a diet and drink regime. Issued with an armful of tablets and a sheet of instructions Marsh exited the health centre reassured that he would see at least the year out now. Unfortunately for Marsh the route home passed two or three pubs and as per normal Marsh couldn’t resist calling in for one quick drink, three pints later the Landlord called for a taxi and Marsh was bundled in complete with bottles of tablets and still clutching his diet/drink regime….. Now Marsh’s smart phone was bleeping, Marsh’s new APP (diseases of the world) had just updated and there was a new infection speeding its way to try and finish off Marsh.